Humor About Old Age Perspective

 

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Things You Said In the Fifties

(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."

 

(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5,000 will only buy a used one."

 

(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

 

(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

 

(5) "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."

 

(6) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

 

(7) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

 

(8) "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

 

(9) "Also, their music drives me wild. This `Rock Around The Clock` thing is nothing but racket."

 

(10) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying `damn` in `Gone With The Wind,` it seems every movie has a `hell` or damn` in it."

 

(11) "Also, it won't be long until couples are sleeping in the same bed in the movies. What is this world coming to?"

 

(12) "Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore."

 

(13) "Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."

 

(14) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

 

(15) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

 

(16) "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?"

 

(17) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters

now."

 

(18) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

 

(19) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

 

(20) "Marriage doesn't mean a thing anymore, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

 

(21) " I'll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me, he won't be able to sit down for a week."

 

(22) "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks to their service?"

 

(23) "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to grow crops."

 

(24) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

 

(25) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress."

 

(26) "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college? Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor or a lawyer."

 

(27) "I just hate to see the young people smoking. As I tell my kids, "Don't take a cigarette from ANYONE. You never know what might be in it."

 

(28) The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

 

(29) "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

 

(30) "No one can afford to be sick anymore, $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

 

(31) "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country that's fine, but nothing will ever replace trains."

 

(32) "I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents, I'll just have to drink mine at home."

 

(33) "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it. I'll have my wife learn to cut hair."

 

(34) "We won't be going out much anymore. Our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour. Kids think money grows on trees."

 

(35) "Cars which dim their lights by sensors, automatic transmissions, and who knows what else? Pretty soon they will drive themselves." 

 

Do You Remember The Old Days

Just in case you weren't feeling all that old today, this will certainly

change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a

list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year's incoming

freshmen.

 

Here is this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born

in 1982.

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably

did not know he had ever been shot.

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.

Black Monday, 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

There has been only one Pope.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold

War.

They have never feared a nuclear war.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Tianamen Square means nothing to them.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums; the expression you sound like a broken record means nothing to them.

They have never owned a record player.

They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.

They may have never heard of an 8 track.

The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.

As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 33 cents.

They have always had an answering machine.

Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black-and-white TV.

They have always had cable.

There has always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA is.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.

They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

(I personally, wonder about that myself....)

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They have never seen Larry Bird play.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII and the Civil War.

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: Where's the beef?, I'd walk a mile for a Camel, or de plane! de plane!

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R.is.

The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew where it was.

Michael Jackson has always been white.

Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.

McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.

There has always been MTV.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

 

What a Long Strange Trip It Has Been

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like
to get old is when we're kids? 

If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.  How old are you?. "I'm four and a half. You're never 36 and a half. You're
four and a half going on five!

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you?  "I'm gonna be 16."  You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens, you become 1. Even the words sound like a ceremony: You BECOME 21! YES!

But then you turn 30. Ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.

What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Stay over there, it's all slipping away!

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 And your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you'd make it! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60. Then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing.  After that, you HIT Wednesday.

You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch.  My grandmother won't even buy green bananas. It's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's you start going backwards.

I was JUST 92.

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: "I'm 100 and a half!"

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