Different Humor Perspectives of Men and Women

  

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What Women Say versus What They Really Mean!

Yes = No!
Maybe = No!
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry!
We need = I want!
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later!
We need to talk = I need to complain!
Sure, go ahead if that's what you want = I don't want you to do it!
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot!
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs!
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house!
I would like to have some new curtains = and carpeting and furniture and wallpaper!
I heard a noise = I noticed that you were almost asleep!
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask you for something expensive!
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like!
I'll be ready in a moment = Kick off your shoes and find something good on TV!
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful!
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me!
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead!
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him !until he goes to sleep?

 

Wise Words Combinations

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man understands a woman: before marriage and
after marriage.

Home|Health Articles|Useful Links|Alternative Medicine Hall Of Fame

Women's Jokes|Men's Jokes|Children Humor|Marriage Humor|Religious Humor

Getting Older Humor|Food Humor|Differences Between Sexes|Adult Beverages Humor|Political Humor

 

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